Thursday, November 27, 2014

Knitting is My Xanax

vintage thanksgiving
Image source
It might seem a bit odd to title this post "Knitting is my Xanax", then start of with a Thanksgiving picture, but I promise you the two are very much related.  It is, as I type this Thanksgiving morning and I am writing to you instead of getting ready for Today's festivities (I am thankful that I am NOT cooking Today's feast.). Instead of sharing all of the many things that I am thankful for this year such as my amazingly supportive family, caring friends and my health.  I'd like to share with you why I am so very thankful for yarn and knitting.
I had the pleasure of traveling to Anchorage last weekend for my birthday to see some of my family and friends.  I had a great time and I will write more on my adventures at a later date, but the trip did not get off to such a great start.  As I was on my way to the airport the realization that I had forgot my knitting project in my boyfriends car hit me like a baseball bat to the chest.  NOOOOOOO!!!!  "It's ok, it's ok, I'm sure I'll be fine", I tell myself and my friend who was diving me to the airport.  Taking some deep breathes, I try to calm myself.  This is not the end of the world, in the big picture of life, this is not a tragedy.  Right?!?! 

I got my bag checked in and made my way through security all right and made my way down to my gate.  And there I sat......... With nothing to do........... What am I supposed to do now?........ I quickly texted every one I know who might sympathize with me and my lack of knitting.  My Mom, my Boyfriend, both of my friends who I was traveling to see.  All where incredibly supportive.  I didn't use an abundant amount of caps in my messages, but in my head I was SCREAMING.  I had absolutely no idea what to do with myself.  Where am I supposed to look?  What do I do with my hands?  How do I make my brain calm the hell down?!?!  I've said it before but I guess I didn't truly believe it until now, knitting is my Xanax. 

It took every ounce of strength I had not to go to the airport bar.  Knowing the level of panic I was feeling, I just might (definitely) have over indulged to the point of no longer caring about the fact that my hands are not occupied by smooth bamboo needles and warm wool weaving in and out of my fingers.  This would probably also be the point where they decide that I am too intoxicated to fly.  So, unfortunately this was not an option.

She Knits in Pearls - Horror

I hope I held it in, but this is how I felt on the inside.  True horror!!!  How do you non-knitters go through life?  What occupies you?  What calms you down?  Yes, I have anxiety issues, and yes I take medication for it.  I've now realized that without my knitting, I'd be on a lot more medication than I already am. 

I did not plan for this!  I could read to pass the time.  Unfortunately, because I had planned to knit, I didn't bring a book, I brought an audiobook.  You know, to listen to while I WAS KNITTING!!  Damn it!  I pressed play in a desperate attempt to occupy my mind that was now racing so fast I couldn't keep up.  This was no use. 

As the panic subsided, the depression kicked in.  I had all these plans.  I had brought with me a pair of socks to work on.  These are the only holiday knitting that I'll be able to share as I am positive that the recipient has never set eyes on my blog.  The plan was to take pictures of these socks as they travel around Anchorage, growing a few rows at a time.  I was going to use these socks to tell the story of my trip.  What a great plan, right?  I know, it was an awesome idea.  And now it's dead.  I will still share these socks with you, but it won't be nearly as awesome as I had originally planned.

That was seriously the longest 1 hour flight of my life.  Yes, I'm bitching about a 1 hour flight, get over it.  I don't remember the last time I flew without my knitting, it had to have been before I learned how.  Hopefully, I will never have to do that again.  I'm sure the people who have the unfortunate fate of sitting next to me hope so as well, as I must have drove that poor woman nuts with my consistent fidgeting.  Toe bouncing, finger tapping, can't get comfortable fidgeting.  That poor woman must have thought I was an annoying mess.  Thankfully she kept her trap shut as I have no idea what I might be capable of in such a state.

I had plans with my dear friend Terri the following day.  We had plans to go antiquing and thrifting all day.  Thankfully, as a fellow knitter and anxiety sufferer she was more than happy to make Jo-Ann's our first stop, in order for me to pick up a pair of needles and a ball of yarn.  At this point, I didn't care what I knit, as long as I was knitting.  I decided to cast on a simple diagonal scarf that alternated directions, a very simple knit but not boring. 

In my down time, I knit and knit and knit.  By the time I boarded my plane to come home it was about 3/4 done and I thought I just might finish it by the time I landed.  Then I realized that there was a massive mistake.  One of my diagonal triangles is going the wrong way.  I could have ripped it out to fix it, but that would be a big mess while on a plane.  Or I could put it away and wait till I got home to fix it.  Instead, I just kept knitting.  After all, I didn't really care about the idea of the finished product.  It was the knitting action that I needed.  Fuck up and all, I was still knitting and that's what mattered.  I cast off as we made our decent into Fairbanks.  The scarf will not be a gift to someone this year, it will never be worn.  But it served a purpose and it served it well.  I am so very thankful for that fucked up scarf.  It kept me sane. 

Happy Thanksgiving, my friends.  I am thankful for each one of you who reads my crazy rants.  Aside from the usual, friends, family, good health and all, is there anything weird that you are thankful for?

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